Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
