i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
