I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well you can't waste a boner
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
