Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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