i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
