Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize