I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
