3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
