Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize