'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
