Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
