The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
