Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
