I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
