so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
