You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
