i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
