my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
