Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
