Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize