It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
