i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
