She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
