i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
