someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize