I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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