just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well I just put wine in my tea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
