I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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