All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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