I like my sex mixed with concussions.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
