Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
