I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
