he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
