i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
