I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
