allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
