why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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