i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
