i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
