i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
