I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
