Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
