what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
