He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
