you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
