Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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