Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
