Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
