we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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