id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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