Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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