We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
