I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
