big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
