he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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