soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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