Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
