I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
