Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
