Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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