two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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