So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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