thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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