sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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