He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
