Well apparently he's into motor boating.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
