Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
